Fucking a.

I haven't been on in a while. I haven't even been home in awhile. Right now I want to vomit coffee, feel sick. Got my hurr did... DRASTIC!!!!!! Head was shaved on the side a little Jordan just took the rest of it off. Why not? You live once its hair it grows back. I've been living in different houses with different life styles... Its nice to be loved in each one, and laugh all the time. Being happy again and not worrying. I know I'll get bored soon, but I needed this happiness as everyone does.

I won't.

There are things friends want you to do. there are things people want you to do cause they trust you, love you, and want you to be their life long friend. I accepted an offer i should have turned now in the beginning. I didn't take it seriously but the other person did. I soon regretted it when I showed her I didn't accept this and I didn't want to. I hated telling the truth about it, but it wouldnt be fair to her if I was the one that held her back from the situation.

I learned the hard way don't always say yes... I hate it.

I wish people didnt like me so much sometimes.

False Hope

I HAVE NO FEELINGS. haha, you're an idiot then.

" Its not okay to wish someone to die not matter how deep the magnitude of pain they caused you. From what I hear Chloe seemed to have been pretty fucking good to you. I know its none of my business but when you threaten her life then it becomes my right to step in. It just all needs to be dropped. You can take this and completely just throw it in her face, but don't try anything stupid."


I hate when my friends get in to shitty relationships and it ends up with me having to step in cause some crazy man decided to think it was ok to threaten her life. Why must it come down to that? I know i've done it... But I have grown up since then.
The last post was about the same girl. I love my friends I always will, I might end up just being sick of them from time to time, but ugh I do anything for the ones I love. Im just that good of a person.

ONE, 2, 3, FOUR, FIVE, 6, SE7EN, 8, N9NE, 10.

I'm sick of having to babysit people. I tried so hard to help a friend through a break up but she is beyond idiotic to understand or listen to what im trying to say, even if i told her the true answers she till wouldn't listen. WHY THE FUCK AM I HELPING YOU?
Such as he adding her ex on to her myspace, and she told me "All he said was whats up.." I told her "Well just make sure you don't come off needy." she FIRED back "All I said was "Whats up?" DOES THAT SOUND NEEDY?" Slowly trying to hold back telling her"I didn't know what you said back, but i was trying to say don't try and blow up his comments."
She then said "Why am I so stupid for doing this again? why do I even try?"
I told her "Cause you wanted answers." AND "But thats why they call it a break up cause its broken." (Thanks to the book.) Then with the childish, most bizarre way she could put it with "Fine I just won't try. I don't feel like talking im going to bed and cry." Im not feeding in to it, Im not going to even respond or make sure your ok... Go fuck yourself. I hate my friends.. I really do.

Every single friend I've had never listens, never is compasionate, completely annoying, or controling, and I can't find a single person to be true friends with. Its like now I just use them for the company, WHY THE FUCK NOT? Just shut the fuck up and stand there. kthanks.

These scars are mine.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)

A serious disagreement over an emotional issue might provoke a feeling of helplessness today. Fortunately, you have the power now to turn this negative feeling into something positive. Looking within your heart can lead you to your own tender spot, but your revelation won't have much importance unless you follow through by being vulnerable with your partner. It's safer than you think.

My horoscope... EVEN MY HOROSCOPE SAYS IN IN A RELATIONSHIP. I cant get away from this shit. I need to live in a hole.

Fuck Patients.

I'm very unprepared for another person to look after, no not a child. But a significant other, seems like the idea is still ripe. I'm not sure what to take on. Really, love is questionable no matter what, but when it takes over all questions dissolve and you just go day by day hoping instead of wondering. I would like to ask for someone to take the high I'm still on and turn it down a notch. I'm not sure yet how to rip away from feelings, but hopefully someone can do it for me... But then once their torn away... I either have to find it by myself which takes people years, or find a replacement.

Love is just fucking DANGEROUS.

CHANGE

If I can't change my inner shell then I'll just take a change on the outside. Decided since I have become stubborn on trying to change my mood, then I will take hold of my hair and just say FUCK BLOND. Fuck this color that stereotypes women. Okay I just wanted a strong sentence and statement... But anyways, yea I'm sick of blond and its an unbelievable upkeep. I'll just dye it brownish reddish. Whatever its summer time I like to be darker in this season.

I played hookie today, well really I went in to work said I needed to go get my car at 6... WHICH I DID, but then they have to fix even more shit on that thing so I wasnt going back.
I hate that on facebook most people from work I DO NOT LIKE, added me as a friend... Why? Whatever I'll give it a couple of weeks and then delete them.

P.S.
If you still read this Christina, I saw you at Tarshit today... Hope all is well. I know your sick of it all and actually this time did just push me out of your life, but seriously friends make mistakes and I hate that we do this cause we are both the same person, and no one understands anything we do. But it would be nice to hear from you again. If you are done then goddamn.

HATE HATE HATE ATE ATE ATE

THE THINGS I CAN'T BELIEVE ARE HAPPENING.

MY CAR ONCE AGAIN DECIDES TO FUCK UP AND I HAVE TO SPEND ANOTHER COUPLE OF HUNDRED.


I HATE MY JOB, MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I WILL NEVER FIND A BETTER JOB. MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF MORE THAN I HAVE EVER EVEN TRIED.


MY BIG MOUTH LASHING OUT ON PEOPLE FOR NO REASON. KILLING THEIR EGOS, MAKING THEM HATE THEMSELVES EVEN MORE. I AM A BIG BIG BITCH.


I HATE NOT HAVING WHAT I WANT. I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED BUT ITS NEVER ENOUGH, IT NEVER WILL BE. BECAUSE WE WANT EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.


I HATE IM NEVER FUCKING HAPPY.


I HATE THIS DARK CLOUD.


I WANT TO FUCKING GET A BREAK AND MY CAR TO STOP FUUUCCCKKKIIINNNNGGGGG UUUPPPPP. I HATE AMERICAN CARS NEVER AGAIN.