Snap

Last night my friend turned to me and told me "I am jealous at the fact that you have never been in a relationship, and you know yourself so much better than I know myself." Now, she has been in a relationship since she was 13 yrs old. Never had a break longer than 2 months at least.
When she said that I couldn't help but smile cause its true. There are people at my age that couldn't even tell you the first thing about themselves, cause they try to find it in someone else.

Lately I have been happy with myself and happy with what I am doing. So there you go.. I got an answer and I am very pleased with it. So, I now understand that at least I do have something even better to shove in your face. :P

I'm Happy For You.

Okay, so I have noticed that every woman in my family has found somebody. My mother was single and is now going to spend Christmas with her new man, My Great Aunt was Single and is going to spend New Years with her new man, and my cousin which never wanted to settle down is now engaged.

As happy I am for them. I have become frustrated in all this. A damn tangle in my love life, oh what a shitty love life.

Funny.

Most people find it offensive, but I actually think it's funny.

Makes you think, cause people would not kill themselves in order to save the world (2012 the movie proves it.) We killed the earth a long time ago.. But if you give someone an inch they will run over the world.

Feeling Low? Go lower!

No matter how beautiful you think you are, no matter how confident you are today.. As soon as these gorgeous ladies came on to my television set I pretty much fell right back at the bottom of the food chain.

Now, we all know they're gorgeous no matter how much we pick them apart to try and feel better about the whole situation. I would love these ladies thighs, or hard flat stomach. It's just hard to hear "The 25 most beautiful women in the world!" Did they really have to say that? Killing every girls ego?

I have lately let go of the fact I'm not like these ladies, but becoming happier about myself. Might be the tattoo that's making it better for me.. But I haven't put myself down in awhile and I deserve this! No one should ever be told they're ugly, not good enough, change this change that! It's annoying and I have drawn my line.

I might slip along the way, but not as much. :D

Ill just let the photo talk for now.

Happy Photo Time.

No wonder they call it the Devils Tower. I saw this image and fell in love. Now if only I could capture something of that same caliber I would be happy.

Tomorrow I start my tattoo. I'm excited but nervous all at the same time, because originally it was suppose to be my whole entire back, but I became uncomfortable with that. So, now its going to be on my entire calf. It's of a peacock, now they represent a lot of things but my main importance of this tattoo is change. People are going to hate it, think its tacky, and just get upset. That's their problem, not mine. I'm so nervous I just don't want to be disgusted 20 yrs later about it.

yep.

Questions.. Thoughts... Pure Confusion

I never wanted to get married, even as a child. My parents ruined a lot of normal things for me. Just recently though, I have been really wanting a steady relationship that would lead to marriage. I don't know what overcame me, but it's been a couple of months that I've been thinking about it. At the rate I am going it doesn't seem like my wish could come true.

On that subject (again) as if a sense for it, I keep seeing myself with no one in the future. I keep just seeing myself all alone, its frustrating. But lately I have also been rebelling like no fucking other. I'm about to get a full calf tattoo, shaved the side of my head, piercing more holes in my ear then needed (doing it myself as well.) I don't think rebelling is really the word, but going through a weird stage, I feel like I'm 16. Pre-midlife crisis?

I'm never sure.

I've been eating away at myself. It seems when you have one foot in the hole, the other one pushes until your ankle breaks, and that's when your foot starts to budge.
Lately I've been a little not myself. I don't know if its cause the environment I am not happy with, or if its I'm not getting what I really want. Questions all the damn time, whats the point of an answer when it follows up with another question?

BORING.