Toy.

You seem to follow me around everywhere I go. You ask me everything you want to know (ugh it rhymed.) You even offered me your jacket when I was cold, and of course turned it down. You laugh when I do, you made me comfortable from the get go.

Why do you people do this to me? I'm finally happy and get comfortable when I'm alone and then BAM, someone wants to come in to my life. Which I should be grateful for... I guess.
He told me he just got out of a 4 yr relationship with someone back in March. Which seems to be cool, cause he can do commitment. But I've never been in a relationship. Ha. Plus I mean, he's cute but not fantastic.. WHAT THE FUCK, YOU SEE THIS SHIT???? I'M BLOGGING LIKE A 13 YR OLD. I'M DONE.

Sure Embarrassment

I can't believe that just happened. How dare you. After all your shit I had to listen to, after all your shit I put up with. I'm glad I don't have to be around you anymore. I knew you were going to do this, and I knew you were this person. I just tried to make you something you will never be. Even you swim back and fourth through lies.

I don't know why I even befriended you.

I'll deal with you.

I'll give you something to say, I'll give you something to write, I'll give you something to argue about, I'll give you something to act with violence on. I've got a pocket that holds the truth for you, I've got a hand that folds in half to beat you in. It's a simple riddle when dealing with these kinds of people. The only tricky part is not the riddle itself. But the person and which riddle they shit out everyday. When sticking your foot in the door and prying it open to only see whats behind, you can either get a knife stuck in your face or a gun. Most people would go for a gun, quick fast and easy. But you should go with a knife, that way its a long drawn out process and you won't have to put up with shit for awhile, ha ha.

When trying to "find" yourself, know that you must create yourself before you ever find anything. What questions do you have? Well they all have simple answers as long as on the way you build yourself that way you would like to see it. Theirs your answer. People don't understand a lot of things, and that's only because they are to involved with people who aren't them. You never get to become what you truly want if your drowning in others lives. Your just ruining the experience for them.

I know you're not going to listen because you're all sewer sheep. Have a good day.

Baphomet : Trish

I'm not sure whats going on lately with myself. It seems I've come to a dark spot in my life. Where the insane become comforting and the normal have become the meal on my plate. Hanging pictures of Baphomet with stories of mad men on my walls. But then the White Tara is hanging across from them.

It's something with the winter that makes me want to be alone at all costs, and makes me want to cut off the world on all ends.

Today was the beginning of that time. For when the people point the blame on me, and I then cut down other people in the spirit of the jackals before them.

I find I'm at my best when alone. I am stronger but then always come up short. We'll see.

Hooves Battled the One.

Frustration strains on his face and all flesh combined. He felt like losing everything he wanted so maybe he could gain back some glimmer of hope. Maybe someone would give him a break. Hopefully it would all fall in place. Maybe he could end up finding a home in his heart.

"It fell, and it left me to be torn apart."
"It will get better."
"It's been three fucking years, when will it get better?"
"You have to be patient."
"As easy as you said it, it doesn't seem that way."
"Everyone reaches a hard spot. You've come to yours, but your moving slowly."
"Maybe its quick sand. That's why its moving so slowly."
"Maybe you should be positive."
"Maybe I should kill myself."
"Seriously, give it time and it will come through. It always does, but your so fucking negative I don't know what to tell you anymore. To where you'll have some fucking hope for yourself. What do you need me to say? So, you will hopefully shut the fuck up and do something about it."
"Kill me."
"That's not a solution."
"It isn't? Tell that to the people that are dead right now, because of your fucking hard spots."

She looked away not hoping for any kind of attention from the fool. He glanced towards the road thinking if he ran out in front of a car would he live? Since his luck right now is so slim, why would he die? It's what he wanted why would it come true?

"Please, just let this one day be different from all the rest. Where you finally stand up and walk away from all this shit you're in."

"Maybe its the only thing I've really got right now. Maybe I actually enjoy its fucking company. Maybe I like to swim in sorrow everyday that's why its stuck. Did you ever think of that?"

A Calling.

I think I finally found my calling, photography.

Now, I know right now I am just taking shitty pictures. But that's to start to become comfortable with whats around me, how to use it, and how to make it some what beautiful. I can never find myself putting down the camera. I can never seem to ever want to part with my camera. I want to learn about photography every second I get. New ways to see the camera in order to distort some type of reality. I hope I'm not going through a phase. Where I love something so much I become sick of it and put it down for awhile.

I'm not sure who exactly said this, but if you know.. Let me know.
"A true photographer never stops taking pictures." It's true. But If I find become sick of this new love of mine.. Then I know its not for me. But is it possible for people that are good at what they do, love what they do, become sick of it for a moment? I'm not sure where I am going to end up, or what I will be doing, if I will be happy or anything. But I hope this little piece stays with me. I hope when I look through the lens I will still see the future.

I hope so.

Huh... Thinking.

I wonder what happened?
I wonder where it went?
I wonder if its still around?
I wonder if it still counts.


I'm in that state again. I'm fucking in it and can't get the fuck out of it. Like quicksand. Just fucking suck me all the way in already.


"The girl had short brown hair. Hated everything and everyone. Hated the way she looked, hated her body, hated what there was to hate about herself. "Why live, when you have nothing to live for? No one wants this shell I live in or anything inside of it." She's about ready to give in and just take it in to her own hands."

I'm so fucking pissed right now I can't even think, and I hate every fucking word I'm typing right now.gh iopwfje opghjqP HSEPR9 IUEP9Y8-0[HUWFJSDO;M,F

Makes me wonder.

Justin: You're just full of information.
Trish: That's why I talk to everyone.
Trish: Even if I don't like them.
Justin: They confide in you.
Trish: Never a good thing.

Makes me wonder... Why did I say that? I feel like a horrible person. But its the truth. I even said it without thinking it. People tell me things and then I go and unleash behind their backs. Something I've been meaning to change, but never come around to it. I have gotten better. I hold my tongue, even though I tend to cough up blood from biting to hard. I use to want to be the hard ass that would kill anyone in their path. Said the worst things I could ever say. Whatever... Guilt trip #202,356,0001

Jeez, You're Rotten.

Ugh. Again, really? Here we go.
So, lets waltz and get it over with.

List of Sleeping Exercises.

1. I should really go to bed, I'm tired.
2. Oh, my new camera. Let me play with it for 10 minutes.
3. Oh shoot, it's already been and hr and a half.
4. Let me check my myspace.
5. Bitches never write me anymore.
6. Let me upload my new fantastic photos!
7. I'm gonna get my video game on!
8. Ok, I have to clean my clothes.'
9. Ok, now I can play Tomb Raider.
10. Let me check my other friendly sites really quick, then I'll go to bed.
11. I'm fucking hungry.


More like what I'm thinking, but always in that order.

The Lonley Monster.

Hmmm. People put such a ugly mark on being alone. What's wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship? Cause you don't have someone to love you? There is family. Someone to fight with? There are your friends. That feeling you get with a guy? Well, there is nothing to fulfill that feeling. I have had that feeling, I understand. But after an amount of time that feeling goes away, and then you look at them and get yourself prepared for the sad break up story.

You go into a realtionship wanting that feeling, wanting the attention, wanting everything and more with this guy or girl.

I am starting to appreciate not being in a realtionship, not having that second fucking job. Plus it seems after years and years of not getting attention I did want.. I gave up. Plus when I look in to the future I never see it with a guy. I see it by myself and it makes me so fucking happy. Not having to rely on a guy to make me happy, fill my heart with everything I've ever wanted. I guess I'm independent and understand you can feel alive without a man.

If I ever do find some guy that sweeps me off my feet then I just might shut up. But until then the jokes on you.