Ugly Girl.

I noticed when I thought I was making myself pretty, was really making myself ugly again. I guess to make people look at me but in the bad way. I just got back from Cali, and I find I am set back in my ways of anger, disgust, pain, and near depression. Its sad when a job, state, and a sence of failure can nearly kill your mental state, and in a matter of hours from just getting off a plane. I'm not sure where I belong but it isn't here, not like this. If I looked back on my life in 30 yrs.... I would probably be brought back to this feeling too. I wanted to cry when I was on the plane... Cause I knew I was a mile closer to pain. I don't believe in heaven, but hell is a different story. We all have hell in the palm of our hands, but mine has taken over like an infection.

I can't believe a job can do this to me. I do have amazing benefits, I have a great salary, I have nothing to gain from this place. everyone that works there leaves.. quickly I might add. Im not sure where I'm going but if it keeps going on this path.. I won't be around for much longer. I dont know what to do anymore.

If I quit, I have to find a new job and quick. If I quit, I wont be paid as well. If I quit, I will have no idea what to fucking do.... It makes me so cloudy... This fucking job makes me feel like I cant do anything else... I have never been bad at a job until this shit. I can't believe its come down to this.