I HAVE NO FEELINGS. haha, you're an idiot then.

" Its not okay to wish someone to die not matter how deep the magnitude of pain they caused you. From what I hear Chloe seemed to have been pretty fucking good to you. I know its none of my business but when you threaten her life then it becomes my right to step in. It just all needs to be dropped. You can take this and completely just throw it in her face, but don't try anything stupid."


I hate when my friends get in to shitty relationships and it ends up with me having to step in cause some crazy man decided to think it was ok to threaten her life. Why must it come down to that? I know i've done it... But I have grown up since then.
The last post was about the same girl. I love my friends I always will, I might end up just being sick of them from time to time, but ugh I do anything for the ones I love. Im just that good of a person.

ONE, 2, 3, FOUR, FIVE, 6, SE7EN, 8, N9NE, 10.

I'm sick of having to babysit people. I tried so hard to help a friend through a break up but she is beyond idiotic to understand or listen to what im trying to say, even if i told her the true answers she till wouldn't listen. WHY THE FUCK AM I HELPING YOU?
Such as he adding her ex on to her myspace, and she told me "All he said was whats up.." I told her "Well just make sure you don't come off needy." she FIRED back "All I said was "Whats up?" DOES THAT SOUND NEEDY?" Slowly trying to hold back telling her"I didn't know what you said back, but i was trying to say don't try and blow up his comments."
She then said "Why am I so stupid for doing this again? why do I even try?"
I told her "Cause you wanted answers." AND "But thats why they call it a break up cause its broken." (Thanks to the book.) Then with the childish, most bizarre way she could put it with "Fine I just won't try. I don't feel like talking im going to bed and cry." Im not feeding in to it, Im not going to even respond or make sure your ok... Go fuck yourself. I hate my friends.. I really do.

Every single friend I've had never listens, never is compasionate, completely annoying, or controling, and I can't find a single person to be true friends with. Its like now I just use them for the company, WHY THE FUCK NOT? Just shut the fuck up and stand there. kthanks.

These scars are mine.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)

A serious disagreement over an emotional issue might provoke a feeling of helplessness today. Fortunately, you have the power now to turn this negative feeling into something positive. Looking within your heart can lead you to your own tender spot, but your revelation won't have much importance unless you follow through by being vulnerable with your partner. It's safer than you think.

My horoscope... EVEN MY HOROSCOPE SAYS IN IN A RELATIONSHIP. I cant get away from this shit. I need to live in a hole.

Fuck Patients.

I'm very unprepared for another person to look after, no not a child. But a significant other, seems like the idea is still ripe. I'm not sure what to take on. Really, love is questionable no matter what, but when it takes over all questions dissolve and you just go day by day hoping instead of wondering. I would like to ask for someone to take the high I'm still on and turn it down a notch. I'm not sure yet how to rip away from feelings, but hopefully someone can do it for me... But then once their torn away... I either have to find it by myself which takes people years, or find a replacement.

Love is just fucking DANGEROUS.

CHANGE

If I can't change my inner shell then I'll just take a change on the outside. Decided since I have become stubborn on trying to change my mood, then I will take hold of my hair and just say FUCK BLOND. Fuck this color that stereotypes women. Okay I just wanted a strong sentence and statement... But anyways, yea I'm sick of blond and its an unbelievable upkeep. I'll just dye it brownish reddish. Whatever its summer time I like to be darker in this season.

I played hookie today, well really I went in to work said I needed to go get my car at 6... WHICH I DID, but then they have to fix even more shit on that thing so I wasnt going back.
I hate that on facebook most people from work I DO NOT LIKE, added me as a friend... Why? Whatever I'll give it a couple of weeks and then delete them.

P.S.
If you still read this Christina, I saw you at Tarshit today... Hope all is well. I know your sick of it all and actually this time did just push me out of your life, but seriously friends make mistakes and I hate that we do this cause we are both the same person, and no one understands anything we do. But it would be nice to hear from you again. If you are done then goddamn.

HATE HATE HATE ATE ATE ATE

THE THINGS I CAN'T BELIEVE ARE HAPPENING.

MY CAR ONCE AGAIN DECIDES TO FUCK UP AND I HAVE TO SPEND ANOTHER COUPLE OF HUNDRED.


I HATE MY JOB, MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I WILL NEVER FIND A BETTER JOB. MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF MORE THAN I HAVE EVER EVEN TRIED.


MY BIG MOUTH LASHING OUT ON PEOPLE FOR NO REASON. KILLING THEIR EGOS, MAKING THEM HATE THEMSELVES EVEN MORE. I AM A BIG BIG BITCH.


I HATE NOT HAVING WHAT I WANT. I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED BUT ITS NEVER ENOUGH, IT NEVER WILL BE. BECAUSE WE WANT EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.


I HATE IM NEVER FUCKING HAPPY.


I HATE THIS DARK CLOUD.


I WANT TO FUCKING GET A BREAK AND MY CAR TO STOP FUUUCCCKKKIIINNNNGGGGG UUUPPPPP. I HATE AMERICAN CARS NEVER AGAIN.

New?

Ok, so I am wanting a lot of new things... like every girl in the world.
for my b-day cash so I can figure out if I should get an apple notebook, or a new GREAT camera. not like mine isn't bad, sine all I do is shoot in black and white. BUT if I get a laptop its one that i dont have to worry about viruses on.. i hate talking about this.

I hate summer heat.. makes me angry.

I love this ad. Thinking of a story for it.

Anyways, on a subject that really doesn't matter, BUT is poking at me.
People always at my age are going out to clubs, bars, and just socializing. Having a fantastic time with their beautiful friends, crushing boys with glares.
But then me.. I stay in watch movies, read, and just try to gain as much as possible. People nit pick at this when they ask what do I do on my days off. No biggies, I felt I already had fun when I was a teenager. I laughed as much as possible got out whenever I could. I tried the club scene, not a great scene. Everything isn't molded for everyone. But it seems like everyone wants it to be. I am still a baby, but I just rather fill my head with knowledge and not ecstasy.
I might be a drag, I might be a total loser to most. But when living a life it should be in all your own comforts.
Do what you want and leave everyone else alone.

Pathetic Updates.

PRT. 2

So on the way home tonight, Montes asks "Now that you know my list, whats yours?" I can't help but laugh. "Well since all the men at work aren't attractive.. No one really. Except Justin, I would fuck him." You can tell that no he's offended "Oh thanks."
"No problem."
Exact words. See, its easy to offend someone when not knowing you are doing it, cause if you did you would stop. But when you grow up around nothing but truth, assholes, and just stubborn people. You have no filter, you don't worry about offending anyone. Cause no matter what your talking about, your already walking on eggshells.
And it is true.. Only one guy out of everyone. Well there was another guy, but he was a different story. Oh well, don't ask and you won't get burned. Plus it was nice to push the blade in even further.

The Sounds of a Pathetic.

Ok, now I don't want to sound like a insecure twat, but here we go.

Driving a friend home, Montes. He was telling me about a ride with a co-worker.. Her name is Lynette, which right now is in the transition of becoming a man (believe me it goes with the story.) He was telling me their "Fuck list" for work... He looked at me and was like "Oh yea, you didn't come up." K THANKS. Thank for letting me know im not fuckable. Pleases me.
Pissed me off cause everyone that was... One looks like a 25 cent hooker, the other looks like a child, and one an idiot. So it shows you what most men are looking for, 10 yr old hookers with no brain. Im pleased to say I am pissed about this. That I don't fit in any mold cause they're all common. All the girls they picked out you can spot in America more than once.
No I shouldn't ramble about this, nor be concerned... But yet I am.
Makes you want to become an anorexic, slap on some peroxcide, and shrink your brain. Im sick of trying to make myself attractive for guys.. It hasn't worked for the last 20 yrs, whats the whole rest of my life of dulling it down going to do?
Nothing. So ladies there is your answer, that is what men want. Shrink to 4'10 and wear a baby doll dress and they will fuck you to no end.
Though he did say, its all about the personality. Ouch... I have one hell of a personality.. never got me with a man. Don't lie to me.

The only sad part, is I shouldn't be mad.. I wouldn't even fuck Montes.