If soaked in oil, would you dare light my cigarette?

It's been too long since I've complained.
It's been too long since I could say something right.

I find myself rewriting everything I've once processed. I'm never sure what to think about the people that surround me. My mother is turning in to a darker more weaker tree. My father is becoming mad. The parents I looked up to, could tell everything to, have burst in to flames and completely changed. Why was I never warned? What are they now? Most of my family has disappeared... Everything has changed so drastically. I wasn't ready for it, I don't know what to think... I'm scared for the most part. I see so much of them in myself and I try to make that go far far away. I can't end up like them, emotionally I can't handle it. I can't even deal with them now.
When talking to them on the phone I don't know what to say to them.

After I get off the phone with them I never understand what just happened. I don't understand their state of mind at this point. I feel most people in my life now are more than disposable. These people, these type of friends don't last long, so I tell them nothing worth hearing.
I'm scared of a relationship cause I think I might end up like my parents... As much as I want to have a relationship with someone, I freak out once it gets to close.. Like its too good to be true if it happens to me. Why would it happen to me?

This is getting old and sickening.