Preparation! ! ! !

1. Get the fucking present, why must I spend money?
2. Buy unlimited amounts of movies to keep me focused off the plane. Thank god for iPod touch.
3. A week of pure solitude and I get to finally live in a small world, where only 2 people matter.

Achievement

I went to my old desk at work. I was looking at all the shit I left behind and how they left it for me. It has been 4 months since I was sitting at that desk. I like to think they kept a shrine for me. Well, I picked up my "achievement award". He was written all over it. We were playing a game one night and he used that to keep score. Needless to say I kept the markings on it. I wanted to remember that night. That night was perfect. We actually couldn't stop laughing, agreeing, and actually our first time to make any type of connection that night. I could never let that memory go. Happy to have that night still with me.

DICK.

10 people

Ok, so here are 10 anonymous people that I love, hate, and just LOVES.

1.I'm glad we finally became close. I know it was always you and sis that were close when growing up. I hated that cause I was so jealous. You were older so I never really understood. Thank god she became an idiot otherwise it still might never had been us that became this close!!! I think you might have taken her place as a sister. I can't wait to see you, I love you!

2. We always were on and off. But we grew up together. as much as I wanted to rip my hair out with you, because you knew patience and I didn't... I know the last time we didn't talk for nearly 3 yrs? Those three years sucked. I know I said horrible things and said I would never talk to you again. But I couldn't hold back. I needed you back in my life, and now that your here to stay I hope I never lose you again.

3. Well, I am on and off with you as well. Now I'm off... I apologized but that's never enough. I explained what happened I knew where I fell I just wish you would see it too. I won't point the finger at whomever, since we both lost contact with one another. But it was always hard to keep you happy, I had to watch where I stepped sometimes cause it could always set off the ticking time bomb. If I see you again it will be a great day.

4. You crazy lady you are. I hate you and love you but DAMN I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU!! Your my person I keep on the hip always. If I ever lost you I would lose the world.

5. My hero, my best friend, and basically my fucking sidekick. I know when I am not in contact with you it hurts. I hate not talking with you. I wish you hadn't moved so far away, I wish I still had you right next to me. The memories of you are the best I could ever have. I never had any bad since you always made our time the best. You always say how bad you were to us, but you never were. I knew you loved me and I still do. Your an amazing man and I know once I can't see you anymore my life will fall in to a deep cycle.. And I won't know how to deal with it.

6. You dick. I can't believe what you put me through. I can't believe you gave me the best times of my life and then ripped them away from me. You made me believe I finally had someone that was just like me and could finally stop bitching, really. But no your the fucking gutted slime ball I always needed to stay away from. I wish I could forget about you, but I wont because I thought you were different... you never are.

7. BOO BOO!!! I know we are off and on all the time, but god when we get together its fucking amazing. Your an opposite of me but you bring out the best in me. I love ya always will couldnt ask for a greater friend!

8. MY LOVES! I have known you since elementry school. and damn I know we will be friends for forever. you know me inside and out. We have never even had a fight cause we are so alike its insane. except your a little more level headed. I know I can always depend on you no matter what. I only hate that we dont talk like we use to. But I'll always love you.

9. OMG BITCH YOUR FUCKING THE BESTESTSTSTSTSTSTS. We always laugh i don't think there is a second that doesn't go by that I didn't laugh with you. I pretty much took you to everything you had never been to, and you have opened my eyes to so much. pretty much complete one another. I'm so glad we're still talking.

10. .... Must I go on?

Insanity, my best policy.

trishbot3000: whats 2+2?
SmarterChild: My brain is retired but watch some cool videos! Send am IM to GossipinGabby and Type VIDEO!
trishbot3000: sdfsdf
SmarterChild: My brain is retired but watch some cool videos! Send am IM to GossipinGabby and Type VIDEO!
trishbot3000: CURSE YOU SMARTERCHILD!
SmarterChild: My brain is retired but watch some cool videos! Send am IM to GossipinGabby and Type VIDEO!

I'll Take it.

I feel like taking a drive, lets just go some where, anywhere. I couldn't face him alone, I couldn't dare look at him right now. I would take all animal instincts and tear him apart. I fell to pieces when he contacted me, looking for that attention, and what little attention I got.
Lets go for a drive, anywhere. Where do you want to go?
Go to the Congo and gnaw on the bark with the gorillas, no not quite distracting enough.
Go to the amazon river and school with the piranhas, not quite vicious enough.
Go to the deep depths of the arctic, but not quite secluded enough.
When wanting to get away where do I go to find the silence to not be stalked by your thought?

Bullet.

I’ve got something to say
I’ve acquired a taste for watching you in pain
It’s pretty hard to admit
It makes me feel like shit
But I mean it
And I know that I am wrong
The weaker you get the more I fell strong
So I want you to leave
Wipe your face on your sleeve
And beat it.
This doesn’t end with you
I walk around and I think of people other than you
That I wish they were cursed
That I wish them the worst
I really wish them the worst
But I’m doing my best
And I hope you forgive me now that I’ve confessed
Cause I’m trying to resist
My heart becoming a fist
Forever
Because you can’t you can’t you can’t stop a bullet
I’m giving you my trigger but you better never pull it
You can’t you can’t you can’t stop a bullet
I’m giving you my trigger but you better never pull it
You’ve got something to say
You’ve acquired a taste for watching me in pain
It’s pretty hard to admit
It makes you feel like shit
But you mean it
What the hell can we do
I’m a different face
Of the man you knew
I’m a hole you’ll fill for the rest of your life
Because you can’t you can’t you can’t stop a bullet
I’m givin you my trigger but you better never pull it

I give up.

The first time in fucking months I don't care. Do you know how good it feels to not pour my heart and soul in to something I was completely wasting my time with? I did what I could you didn't want it so go fuck yourself. I know its hard... But you cant shove a person away when you made some type of connection... But its the free world.... You can shut me out and I can hate all I want. WOOOO IM FREE OF BONDAGE.

Enjoy this amazing video of the amazing Fever Ray.. I think I've posted it everywhere.

Testing the waters.

I know what your doing. I know its all fun and games. Thank you for the high hopes and the typical outcome you vomit up every time. You're a failure and I am not dragging in it with you.

Laugh pig, laugh.

So here we go again.
So here it comes again.
I'm setting my own trap and I hope this time the bait is poison. I hope the bait rots out my insides through my flesh. Eating away like the leprosy pride. I let it in and I let it infect.

Bloody Valentine.

That title has a pun.

Well, tonight once again, its loathing. Tonight I sit and wish. Tonight I drowned in self pity. And then a cold shower to wash off your hand marks.
I thought this year would be different, but of course its not. I sit like the year before, except I work. Here's a good part to laugh about, I work for a dating website. So today I have to be happy for them and tell them they will find love, when I myself have lost all hope.

People ask, where do you see yourself in 20 yrs?
Really?
Well, hopefully in Alaska by then and still alone. Cold and alone. The snow white queen finally moves to Alaska. The horrible thing is its true. I never looked in the future with seeing myself with someone, because I know it might actually be true. For 20 yrs its been like this... Another 20 will be no different and just a little more cold.

They always say "There is someone out there for you."
If there is.... He's been dead for years. I've wasted my life with myself.

GOVERNMENT

Burn it down. I made 22,000 this year... How much do I get back?

$36.00

oooooooooo weeeeeeee.

Like,

Still a little hateful towards you, more to the point that I can't get you out of my head. I did for one moment, but your still loitering around up there. If you wanted me to be stuck with this image, why fail in the end?

WHYZZZ?!?!?!

I couldn't hate you anymore than whats already bubbling inside, but you won't stay out of my mind. Even when I rest you cause nightmares.

This has become a painful trip, and damn these posts I look back on.... No bueno. I am pissed off. Can't believe a person can cause so much pain.

I just took that bullet.

To feel embarrassed beyond belief, to feel like I wasted my time beyond failure, and to make me cry when these tears shouldn't even be for you, makes me ill. Makes me wake the fuck up all over again. Constant pull and tug with you, WHAT was your point with me? You tired to fuck me, but didn't have the courage to make a move, just ask and ask and ask about where, when, how, and why? I'm glad I was smart enough to push you away. Now be smart enough to stay the fuck away from me.