Where's My Devil? He was in my pocket.

I uhh I got a large quantity of hate and pain bubbling inside my head lately. I wish I could say I don't want it in there. I want to tilt my head to the side and let it drain out of my ear. But no, I want it there to keep that certain look, so no one will mess with me. I keep it crawling down my shoulder. I let it will seep down into my pores when its time to let it all unleash.
I can say the hate and pain came from my fellow co-workers. They use me to their advantage. They throw me into shit knowing I won't say no. I push myself to the edge, the breaking point. Why? I'll never know why. I like the feeling of an almost mental breakdown. I love the texture of pure insanity. You know that feeling in your palms that shoot through your fingers that make them shake. Makes your mind melt, and your tongue swell.

Its a pure substance. It's not easy to get rid off, its hard to shake. Only the strong minded know how to shake it. While the weak ones, as myself, keep it there for pity, and a reason to hate everyone. I shouldn't need a reason to dislike any of you. You all use me, you use me and throw me to the jaws of life. It's a quick chew, but its the worst pain I could feel. Especially when your as sensitive as I am. I'm letting the truth come out. I hate the feeling, I hate letting you know I'm weak and afraid. Like any other human being... I wanted to be different. I want to say I am nothing like you. But I am.. I have the same emotions, same guilt.

I feel a rise trying to conquer my body, to make me feel numb. Its working, and I'm letting it through my system. But for fuck sakes, man. When does life give a cigarette break? Let that steam roll off your back? Let your muscles become free from all prison of restraint and anger?

Loneliness has become a comfort. Knowing your alone in your ventures towards either failure or success. To know you won't have someone bring you back down in to that sweat hog pin you once got free from. I can do things for myself, which don't seem to be working, don't seem to come through. But not to worry about anything or anyone else's problems. You find loneliness becomes a best friend, a growth on your back that won't seem to go away, but you don't mind it. Cause you don't have to see it.. So there's no problem. The only downfall is who do I run to when it all breaks down? I've got you, but you always want more. Don't we?